Orlando

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I feel as though I need to address what happened Sunday morning.

This act of terror hit close to home. No, I’m not gay myself. But a close friend and family members are. In fact, one lives close to Orlando.

Let’s look at it this way.

We’re all supposed to be free to love whomever we wish to love in this country. We’re supposed to have that right. No one has to agree with who we love.

Here’s the problem:

A man saw something he didn’t like between two other men. If it upset him, well, in my opinion, it was none of his business what this couple was doing.

That was the solution.

Mind your business.

That’s also another problem in this country. People don’t know how to stay out of anyone’s business.

This terrorist took it upon himself to take the lives of 50 people and injure 53 more. All because he didn’t agree with their lifestyle? How did the FBI let him skim under the radar once he was red flagged?

The more the week progresses, the more we try to understand how this happened.

As a Catholic person, I try my best not to judge anyone. It’s not my place.

In America- we’re allowed to voice whatever opinion we have. Thing is: Someone’s opinion usually initiates more hate.

I hate to break it to you Christians who may be reading this: The Bible may state it’s a sin for a man to lay with another man. You do not know if Jesus/God said this. YOU DON’T. Just because a book tells you that it is the “word of God”, doesn’t mean it is. For all you know, a crackpot could’ve written the Bible and made his own beliefs regarded as God/Jesus’ beliefs.

Again. I’m not an atheist. I’m Catholic. And I have a hard time believing that “God’s word” judges other people. When… the Commandments speak of adultery, murder…yet people do this. Every damn day.

These victims in Orlando, God rest their souls, were out enjoying themselves with their friends, significant others, and families. Just because people don’t believe in gay marriage or gay rights; the people they were with, did.

This is a time we as a Nation should be looking at ways to prevent this behavior; not commend it. No one “deserved” what happened to them.

Hate is a major problem in this country.

Let’s stop the hate and come together.

At the end of the day…

Love wins over hate.

 

 

 

The World of Me…

I haven’t updated this in awhile because the heat has had me down and out. Of course, my migraines are back in full force. It seems like there is no relief for me in the migraine situation. Well, my neuro did suggest Botox injections. It sounds silly to get Botox for a migraine. I’m sorry, it does. I’ll hope that something helps soon. These crippling migraines are a little too much right now.

I’m in the middle of my employment situation. My previous job I left a week ago, well, they were well informed that I had MS. They said they were cool with it. Anyway, they could help me, they would. Of course, I’m going to point out when I think it’s a tad bit warmer than it should be in the building. I can’t control my body temperature. They knew this. As an assistant manager quit the week before, I walk into work and it is blazing. Someone has the thermostat way high. I felt sick. I felt dizzy. I couldn’t handle it. I simply thought I was going to die. When I asked for the heat to be turned down, no one ever touched it. I suffered for almost three hours before the other person I was working with noticed I was sluggish and turned the AC on. Needless to say, I quit two days later. Right now, I’m enjoying some down time. Kinda. The migraines.

Today, we finally laid my uncle to rest. His ashes to rest. I still feel empty about this. 5 months later, I don’t know how to … feel. Empty seems appropriate. 13310633_10153129529159364_4889025942678562647_n13339483_10153129529094364_5536415203061480594_n (1)13335555_10153129528984364_324781674203741895_n13315273_10153129529269364_3328635463381753577_n

After this…I came home to find out a friend I met while volunteering at The Salvation Army passed away from his heart condition today. He was 23. Due to get married in 2 weeks and was going to be put on the heart transplant list in 17 days.

It is another reminder that life is short.

Cherish everything.

Tomorrow isn’t promised.

Sympathy… I Don’t Need It.

Whenever someone finds out I have MS, they act like I’m dying. Like it’s the worst news I’ve ever been given. Of course, I automatically want to punch said person(s) in the throat. Why?

Because I am left the rest of the day feeling self-conscious about myself. Whenever I get this sympathy,  I become uncomfortable with my diagnosis.

Note to you healthy people: Don’t do this to MS folks. Don’t.

We already have our issues with our bodies every day and we don’t need your sympathy to where we are even more aware of our issues. I don’t need to feel like there’s something “tragically” wrong with me. There isn’t. Outside of this disease, I’m quite okay. Fine, actually. I’m not depressed. I’m not upset anymore that I have RRMS, I’m quite content with it. It’s the hand I got dealt.

So please, when you find out my diagnosis, don’t give me that look and give me your “worst news” voice. Smile and wish me luck or ask me about my journey. Or please, change the topic. Or keep walking.

My Adventure

My sister and friend (plus some kids) decided we all needed to have a hiking adventure yesterday. Me? Well, I was kind of leery about it. My experience with the Copaxone hasn’t been that great. I ended up with an Upper Respiratory Infection and tonsillitis. I was talked into the hiking adventure, however. Giving the benefit of doubt, I joined.

It couldn’t be that bad, right?

Right????

No, really, it wasn’t that bad. The hiking trail was beautiful. I do mean BEAUTIFUL.

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Then there was this waterfall…20160518_202445

….which my friend’s daughter later fell down and went with later. (Literally. She fell down the waterfall) and my sister cleverly yells “Don’t go chasing waterfalls..”

and then…

I’m proud of this one. I pushed myself to climb a cliff and finish the trail. Which I did.

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People may argue limits and boundaries with this disease… and I will argue one more time back. This disease is NOT and WILL NOT define who I’m going to be. I will continue to be who I’ve always been. A stubborn & determined person. I will always be that person. I may have MS… it does not have me.

Red Wine Cures…

Not a damn thing.

I went into a few glasses of red wine thinking it could cure at least some of the thoughts  I have weighing on my mind right now.

The RRMS…

Being into a friend who I thought was into me back.. seriously who leads someone on when you’re in your late 20s???? I guess that’s still a thing after all. Who knew.

Glass three…

I felt I was living Taylor Swift’s former life and felt like writing a hit song.

Glass four…

I hated my life.

Glass five…

I’m realizing glasses 1-4 might’ve been a mistake. I don’t drink often & not nearly enough.wine-red-yum

Looking Back

I know almost every one of my posts are about Multiple Sclerosis and how it’s changed my life. A year ago, I would’ve never told anyone I knew or associated with I had this disease.I didn’t want anyone to treat me differently and I sure didn’t want anyone to notice that I was different.

However, around the time I was rediagnosed and going through the things I was going through; once I opened up about having RRMS, I didn’t look back. I don’t know if it was the point I was 30, going through a lot of stress and depression that finally made me open up- or if it was the fact I was tired of being alone and fighting this disease.

I lost a good friend. I’m still not sure what his problem was or is. Maybe he didn’t want to think of me any differently; hell, for all I know, we were never friends to begin with. Which is a whole factor that still makes me question a lot of things since I was 16… but now is not the time to get into it. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks I may be fighting a death sentence and he doesn’t know how to deal with it. What I do know is I’m done dwelling on this. Sure, it hurt me, but I’m adult. Not the 16-year old who would’ve handled this a lot differently.

These past few months have been the worst for me with fighting this disease. When my uncle passed away a few days before Christmas this year- all of the emotions and grief I went through made no sense. Nothing made sense. And when other family members were aware of my disease… the only thought in my head I kept hearing was “I don’t care. I don’t care.” The loss of my mom’s brother (the second one) was devastating. It was a blow I was unprepared for. I wanted to give up on everything. And after his wake- my life stopped making sense. Since his death, I know that I have to fight this battle. I have to. Today, my grandma brought up laying his ashes to rest next week– and this became a reality for me. My Uncle Bryan never is coming back. It still hurts.

The only thing I have gathered from this grief is that there are people who come into your life and you spend your time trying to figure out why this one person came to you— then you realize, it’s just God’s way of trying to make you feel better. The person I’m speaking of came into my and my sister’s life a few days after my uncle passed; I’ll be honest, this person is simply irreplaceable. Maybe my Uncle Bryan sent him to us– cause he knew how special this one person was… I’m not sure. What I do know, is I’m forever grateful.

Since I’ve been open and honest this past year about my RRMS; I’ve met some amazingly awesome people in the MS community I can never thank enough for being a support. Some of them are here on WordPress; some I’ve met on Twitter and Tumblr. Others are just people who’ve come into my life.

For that– I’m eternally grateful.

 

 

 

Motivation Monday

I really didn’t have an MS post prepared today, so, instead I’ll be sharing a motivational list.

  1. Always believe something wonderful is about to happen

  2. Our greatest glory is not in never falling but in rising every time we fall

  3. To be successful, the first thing to do is fall in love with your work

  4. Spend life with who makes you happy, not who you have to impress.

  5. Be who you are and say what you feel

  6. Today, you are you that is truer than true.

  7. Be so happy that when others look at you, they become happy too.

  8. Don’t forget to be AWESOME.

Living a “Normal” Life

Before I came down with symptoms in 2006-

I was 22.

I loved playing with my toddler nephews, playing soccer, going on crazy activities with my family. Things were pretty “normal”. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.

Now at 31–

With my diagnosis, it’s clear that everything has changed. No matter how hard I try not to let RRMS take control of me- I know I may not win. No matter if I believe I am Batman (and I do believe this… 24/7), my reality is that I don’t have a normal life.

My nephews, who are now pre-teens, are well aware that if its 92 outside; I can’t be outside. They know if I’m asleep on the couch at 2:30 in the afternoon, it’s fine. They believe it’s normal. They don’t understand the depression and pain, but they know this is who I am.

What is normal for us may not suit others. I’ve lost friends and I have no idea why. It makes me wonder if they were even my friends to begin with. I sometimes believe they don’t know how to talk to  me anymore- but that isn’t a reason to abandon someone you called a friend.

Time to adapt to the “new” normal.